Vocally Challenged: Vowelless Words That Make You Go Hmmm…
“He had in his possession a bunchberry plant”
I’m telling you for the nth time…
In the wordplay world, “vocal” means “vowel.” And though we at Beyond Wordplay have tended to focus on the “vocally gifted” — such as all-vowel-using words and phrases — as Stephan Pastis notes in his comic strip Pearls Before Swine, let us not overlook the “vocally challenged.”
As we were taught in grammar school: a syllable must have a vowel sound; thus, any English word must have at least one vowel. While this is certainly true in general, vowelless specimens do populate various corners of the linguistic landscape, which we will explore below. (See our Rules, at end of this post.)
Of course, this often involves abbreviation or noisemaking.
SCRBBL
Scrabble® derives its tournament and club wordlist from a number of college-level source dictionaries — which include many onomatopoeic words based on sounds one might make in various circumstances, often of vowelless persuasion. Some have repeated consonants and may require blanks to play:
BRR BRRR GRR HM HMM HMMM MM MMM PFFT PHPHT PHT PST PSST SH SHH SHHH ZZZ
These are all exclamations or interjections — a glorified term for “noises” in this case — and it can be tricky keeping straight which variations are acceptable. (We’re not convinced anyone has ever used the spelling PHPHT. Is that anything like THBBFT, the interjection from Bloom County’s Bill the Cat?)
So: BRR and BRRR; HM, HMM, and HMMM; SH, SHH, and SHHH; but only GRR with no GRRR?
Consistency not required in noise-making, apparently.
ZZZ — interjection— used to suggest the sound of snoring — was added in 2005. It requires the only Z and both blanks, and any real-world scenario in which it might get played seems very unlikely. Scrabble-world scribe Stefan Fatsis (no, no relation to Pearls creator Stephan Pastis) even offered a $20 bounty to anyone who played it in a club or tournament. But sure enough, within days of it becoming Scrabble-legal, a club player reported just such a case: the Z was free on the board, and her last two tiles were blanks. While any 3-letter Z word would have ended the game (zoo, zip,…), it’s more fun to envision hooking the last blank onto the back of QUART, making QUART[Z] for just enough points to win the game.
Another Scrabble word gives the appearance of a “growling’ sound, but is a noun in its own right: GRRRL — meaning “a young woman regarded as independent and strong or aggressive,” as in the hard rock music genre RIOT GRRRL — was added in 2014. The band Bikini Kill spearheaded the use of the term. As cool as this is in real life, in Scrabble the unavailability of the 3-R GRRR means we can’t slap a great L-word on the back of it — a “back hook” in Scrabble parlance. But — better to have the word, even if not the back hook. Such are life’s little tradeoffs.
There is one vowelless adjective in North American Scrabble — NTH — meaning either “an unspecified number of times,” or “the utmost degree.” The unabridged Webster’s Third gives us another vowelless adjective (not Scrabble-acceptable): PDQ. Though an abbreviation of “pretty darn quick,” it achieved common enough usage to be listed in W3 as “adverb, often uncapitalized,” so if we are looking for 26-letter pangrams made solely of uncapitalized words from one dictionary, look no further than “thumb frowzly vexing jacks, pdq” (published by your humble correspondent in Word Ways).
One verb — added to the international lexicon, though not yet the North American Scrabble list — stands on its own, so to speak: PWN, meaning “to dominate in humiliating fashion,” as in “you just got pwned im in ur base killin ur d00dz.” It may be the first dictionary entry that traces its derivation to a keystroke error, possibly arising out of a gamer’s mistyping of “owned.”
Next are four related verb forms, based on the universal sound of disapproval:
TSK, TSKS, TSKTSK, and TSKTSKS
The latter gives us an impressive 7-letter vowelless word — the longest acceptable in Scrabble.
Rounding out our Scrabble-acceptable vwllss wndrs are two words derived from Welsh:
CWM (“coom”) is a valley, commonly used in Welsh place names, and
CRWTH (“crooth”) a stringed instrument like a lyre
There’s a bit of cheating here — the letter W is the perfectly legitimate vowel sound “OO” in Welsh (and in Welsh borrowings into English) — but for our wordplay purposes we only consider the letter, not the sound.
(Also, note their plurals CWMS and CRWTHS, which can get you out of a consonant jam.)
One wonders if Welsh children play crwth or dare, or if jazz aficionados in Cardiff enjoy Oliver Nelson’s classic Blues and the Abstract Crwth (see fever-dream-inspired album cover, above, featuring actual crythor Robert Evans sitting in for pianist Bill Evans. Because we are committed to the bit.) For non-Welsh-speakers, as they say — sometimes crwth is stranger than fiction.
PPL, PLCS, THNGS
Of course, vwllss names of people, places, and things can be found in the wild, free from the confines of dictionaries.
Rarely has anyone tried so hard to spread vowelless enthusiasm as Jason Alexander in this 1980s McDLT (5) commercial. Yes, we get it — hot side hot, cool side cool.
We can only imagine how amped he got over dry shampoo substitute PSSSST!
DC Comics’ Mr Mxyzptlk is well-known, but even he has a y. But did you know he had a girlfriend?
At 10 letters, MS GSPTLSNZ (often known as “Gizpy”) is our longest vowelless person.
The process of disemvoweling is commonly used to derive cool-looking names, often for DJs and musicians — though ambiguities are possible. Dutch EDM label STMPD RCRDS (10) might be STAMPEDE, STAMPED, or STUMPED. Bay Area artist Kristina Esfandiari performs as NGHTCRWLR (9). Oakland’s socially conscious art collective CTRL+SHFT (8) is also a nice multiple entendre tying their name to their mission statement (“control shift”). A+ for style and substance.
Various celebrities are known by vowelless abbreviations, like the recently deceased rapper DMX (born: Earl Simmons), and ’80s icon MR. T (born: Laurence Tureaud), though paradoxically his breakthrough role was in a show named after a vowel. We do know, however, he was not involved in the creation of this Bloody Mary mix from MR. & MRS. T (6).
Apparently none of his wives were keen to adopt the MRS. T moniker. Perhaps there’s still hope for Coco Austin, spouse of rapper/actor ICE-T.
The vowelless McG (3) got his start directing music videos, ultimately being tapped to direct the blockbuster movie Charlie’s Angels. He leads to our first quiz question (answers at end of post):
- A band co-founded and produced by McG went on to great success, with a friend from high school on lead vocals. This friend could have shared McG’s 3-letter nickname. Name the band, and the lead singer.
SLVR SCRN
Other vwllss wndrs have populated our TV and movie screens. The 1973 snakesploitation film SSSSSSS (7) may have the longest name, at 7 letters, having appeared in at least one New York Times puzzle (in this case, constructor Patrick Blindauer gets kudos for not using it in the rightmost column). It is joined by its less-celebrated caveman counterpart, the Gerard Depardieu vehicle RRRRRRR.
MR. BBQ (5) checks in at 5 letters, though despite its steamy title, it doesn’t appear to have generated much heat. At 4 letters, 2013’s CBGB told the story of the seminal New York punk club, while 2019’s MRS. G chronicled the founder of Gottex swimwear. Other 4s include RSVP and TMNT (the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles animated movie).
At 3 letters, the 1970 college protest drama R.P.M. (3), starring Anthony Quinn and Ann-Margret, not only centers around a student social equity protest that could be ripped from today’s headlines, but also features a surprisingly early ransomware attack.
The highest-grossing no-vowel franchise is likely Vin Diesel’s XXX (3) series — if one doesn’t count the entire DC universe that is, or — frankly — the entire XXX genre.
More quizzing:
2. At 3 letters, name the 1974 John Wayne film that fits this category, featuring a car chase inspired by Steve McQueen’s famous chase in Bullitt. Hint: that’s not their only connection.
3. You may not recall this 2-consonant 1978 movie about a radio station, but it had one of the most loaded soundtracks of all time, and its title track was a Steely Dan chart hit. Name it.
Three presidential biopics offer vowelless titles:
4. Name both consonant-only presidential films directed by Oliver Stone.
5. Name another famous presidential pic named for its subject’s initials, directed by Rob Reiner.
And at 1-letter:
6. With the possible exception of Fritz Lang’s M (1931), the most critically acclaimed film with a 1-letter title was this 1969 political thriller about the assassination of a Greek politician. It won the Jury Prize at Cannes, a Best Foreign Film Academy Award, and was named the best film of 1969 by Roger Ebert. Its title sounds like the Greek for “he lives” (well, depending on where you live). Name it.
7. Two of the most enduring characters in the James Bond franchise are M — the head of MI6, standing for “Mission,” and ever-clever gadget savant Q (“Quartermaster”). What actress and Dame of the British Empire became the first female M in 1995? What comedy legend took over for longtime Q actor Desmond Llewellyn in Die Another Day?
MSCL RTSTS & SNGS
Long vowelless top 40 hits include Fall Out Boy’s THNKS FR TH MMRS (13), a “disemvoweling” of “Thanks for the Memories,” and Crash Test Dummies’ MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM (12). Though we have previously disqualified it from all wordplay consideration, we grudgingly mention it again here…and renew our commitment to its ban. Damn you, Brad Roberts’ early ’90s hair!
Can you name the following vwllss wndrs to grace the Billboard Hot 100?
At 4 consonants:
8. This studio group associated with producer Thom Bell had a #1 hit with “T.S.O.P. (The Sound of Philadelphia)” — the theme to Soul Train — the first TV theme to hit #1. The consonants are initials of nuclear family members.
9. A Brooklyn electropop duo with over a billion plays on Spotify, whose songs include “Kids” and “Electric Feel.” If their band name is concise, their last names — Goldwasser and VanWyngarden — are not, with 22 letters between them.
10. For lots of bonus points, name the 4-consonant eclectic rock band co-founded by Joey Spampinato who had a pretty decent song with “Me and the Boys.” Hint: they started as a quintet and became a quartet, but didn’t have to change the last letter of their name.
At 3 consonants:
11. Two female R&B trios had #1 hits in the early 1990s. You’re definitely no scrub if you get the one with 4 #1s. The other may be trickier, even though what the group’s initials stand for describes them perfectly. Which R&B girl group hit #1 in the ’90s with “Weak”?
12. These Brits applied intricate and artistic songcraft to the pop-rock genre, but only hit the U.S. Hot 100 once — and not with their best-known song, “Dear God.”
13. We’ll give you the most successful consonantal act of all time: K-Pop sensations BTS. What was their first U.S. #1 hit?
At 2 consonants:
14. What naughty Rihanna #1 hit consists of two consonants joined by an ampersand (hint: with the punctuation spelled out, you’ll find it in the title of a Metallica song.)
And, at 1 consonant:
15. The highest-charting song by a 1-letter artist on the Hot 100 was the 1979 #1 “Pop Muzik”, by what single-consonant artist, led by UK DJ Robin Scott?
H, TH PLCS LL G!
Neil Stephenson gave us the term “metaverse,” so it’s no surprise he also dreamt up the 6-letter vowelless archipelago QWGHLM, in The Cryptonomicon (which also gave us many foundational concepts of cryptocurrency, but we digress).
But we don’t need books for such fanciful place names, when we have Wales.
Starting in humble BWLCH (“the Pass”), we could easily scwt over to CWMFFRWD (“Valley of the Stream”). Along the way we may see a sign that says:
CWMTWRCH RFC (11)
No, we won’t be taking an eye test. But we could stop there to enjoy a sporting match played by the Boar Valley Rugby Football Club, which is, of course, the meaning of that sign. A truly impressive consonantal display.
From Wales, we will head East, passing first through Rome, where we ask:
16. What is the longest Roman numeral that can be formed only from consonants, and what is its value?
Consonantal Drift
Heading further East — further from the confines of English — will allow us to reach greater consonant-only heights.
While Polish and the Kartvelian languages of Georgia are known for their consonant clusters, and citizens of the Deutschschweiz (the German-speaking region of Switzerland) may marvel at their 8-consonant run while discussing the current impfpflicht (duty to the immunized), at least these words have vowels, and as such are scherschlicht (simple) — compared to some constructions one can make with the word formation rules of Czech, and its close Slavic cousins like Slovak and Serbo-Croatian.
For starters, Czech allows the letters r and l to function as “syllabic consonants,” oxymoronically called vocalic consonants. Take the word:
mrzl meaning “froze”
In this word the r (which is rrrrolled), takes on a tight “ur” sound, and the l an “ull” sound. English speakers can get the general idea by imagining the word murmur spelled mrmr, or squirrel spelled skvrl (in which [kw] also changes to [kv]). So this allows many basic words with — from the English speaker’s perspective — no vowels.
A well-worn Czech tongue twister goes:
Strč prst skrz krk
which means roughly “Stick your finger down your throat” (more precisely ‘through’ it, but meh, close enough). Many longer vowelless sentences have been devised.
Czech also encourages longer consonantal clustering, by allowing combinations like
č+t+v+r+t = čtvrt (meaning “quarter,” where č is pronounced [ch])
Further, prepositions like z (“from”), v (“in”), and s (“with”) can combine with base words, to form words like z+mrzl+ina = zmrzlina (ice cream).
So while it is possible to form words lke čtvrtsmršť (10, quarter-tornado), could we also add čtvrt to scvrkls (7), a colloquial form of “you shrank,” to form čtvrtscvrkls (12, “you shrank by a quarter”)? This would be quite the consonantal concoction.
But Czech has nothing on Nuxalk, a Salish language spoken in British Columbia, as described on Omniglot and Language Log. This fascinating language can apparently not only build words by stringing together heaps of consonantal sounds, but — along the lines of German — it can also string together words themselves, to form longer words.
So for instance, the Nuxalk word:
Clhp’xwlhtlhplhhskwts’ | IPA: xłp̓χʷłtłpłłskʷc̓
meaning: “He had had in his possession a bunchberry plant,” is an example of a Nuxalk word with no vowels, which is apparently not uncommon. In its transliteration into the Roman alphabet, this would give us a truly remarkable 20-consonant word. You can hear it here, sounding not unlike an ASMR “close-talking” demonstration. Undoubtedly, longer ones are possible.
There are apparently three remaining elderly native Nuxalk speakers — though efforts are being made to keep the language alive. We wish those folks — and the language itself — a life extending far past the end of the regrettable ASMR trend. Appropriately, updates on the Nuxalk can be heard on their radio station CKNN-FM.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go…[st͡sʼqʰt͡sʰtʰx] “that’s my animal fat over there.”
Answers
- Sugar Ray, Mark McGrath
- McQ
- FM
- JFK, W
- LBJ
- Z
- Judi Dench, John Cleese
- MFSB (“Mother, Father, Sister, Brother”)
- MGMT
- NRBQ (“New Rhythm & Blues Quintet/Quartet”)
- TLC, SWV (“Sisters With Voices”)
- XTC
- Dynamite
- S&M, or S-and-M, as in “Enter S-and-M-an”
- M
- MMMDCCCLXXXV (12 letters, with a value of 3885)
Rules. For wordplay purposes, we consider the letters only — not the role they play in a word, so: A, E, I, O, U, and Y are always vowels, others always consonants. Here we also eschew items with numbers in them, such as the film title “Mr. 3000.”
Dedicated to the memory of Arthur I. Schulman (1935–2021), longtime member of the National Puzzlers’ League, who pioneered the vowelless crossword — or vwllss crsswrd.
Thanks to Jeremy Horwitz for data wizardry.
